Seven

I went to see my boyfriend climb today. I was there originally to be a model for my friend and her photography thing. The pictures on the little screen of the camera looked amazing. I'm not embarrassed at all which is a little weird just because I usually hate pictures of myself.

It was crazy when even though he was with one of his friends and I was with one of mine, he was so happy. And when he looked at me I felt so connected with him. There were so many people there but it felt like it was only the two of us. It was awesome. We've just been so connected lately.

I was reading this blog called Faking It today and it actually made me kinda sad about the future. It's hard for me to see that I could be married. Don't get me wrong... I want to get married and have kids or adopt or whatever... clearly I don't want that right now... I'm only 18 after all... But then I don't want to turn out like my stepmom who is almost 42 and never had any human kids of her own even though she would've been a great mother... She does have a dog and maybe that thing is so spoiled.

I should stop planning my life out like this. It happens when it happens, right?

Six

My grandmother is driving me crazy today. She said the one good thing about having two fucked up parents is that I can defend myself and then she changed it to two, be independent. I don't feel independent. My mom didn't give me enough space until my last birthday and woohoo for that one... Now I attend a lot of "movies at the theater" just to be with my boyfriend until midnight. That's what you call fun. It's just the beginnings of my lies to my mother. I lie to her about so many other things and they all involve him which is amazing. There will be more in the future when I get to sneak over to his house or him over to mine which would be pretty awesome. Anyways, tangent, I've never heard her call my mom fucked up before. And she definitely said fucked up not screwed up... she's 68... The mouth of that woman lately... she said shit while my 7 year old sister was here and she didn't even notice that slipped out of her mouth... I'm tired of being over here with her spending so much time with her. Maybe it's hormones... my boobs are starting to hurt like I'll be getting my period next week or something... I wish I could remember when I last had it so I would know...

Randomly: I suggest listening to Very Busy People by The Limousines. Or Crazy Angel by Kill Hannah.