Thirty

Today did not feel like any kind of stressful day. My boss didn't tell me that she needed me to work. She hasn't talked to me about tomorrow. Whatever. I'm not working tomorrow for her anyways which I told her last week... but then she never told me that she received that. (Fuck me right?) Anyways recently I broke a knitting needle. And luckily that's no big deal since there's an extra in the package. And then I finally started knitting again on Monday after a month without and it turns out I broke another. So today was awesome because after a really long day at school I accomplished something by first standing around in the stupid craft store for twenty minutes not finding what's supposed to be right in front of me (which ended up being right in front of me) and then dealing with the checkout line that's always extremely long. (Why is that?) And then I knitted. So that should have been my moment of relaxation. Then I realized I was tense so luckily my boyfriend was there being awesome and giving me the best massage since for once I was actually sore so many places from my killer cardio kickboxing workout yesterday. I hate the class but I LOVE saying that I did some actual exercise. And then we ended up going to dinner with his parents. And so there I am sitting there laughing at his dad for "dieting" by "not eating carbs" which translates to no bread, pasta, or cereal. Which in fact he has actually stuck to not eating any of those things. He still eats pizza (even the crust which he saves to dip in hummus), tortilla chips, rice, potatoes, etc. So there we are at dinner and he needed to order an appetizer which ends up being fried zucchini. HA! His wife eats one and he eats eleven. And then he eats every single bit of his steak dinner emptying his plate including the sides. Who does that? Also no wonder he hasn't lost any weight... How has he not gained any more since I've met him either?!? And then there's me and my boyfriend sharing a salad. And just because it sounded good I got the baked sweet potato. And I hope to never get that again. As a side note: going to Black Angus makes me feel so cheap. It's a steak house, but it's never worth whatever it is for a dinner... Forty bucks? I don't even know since that is not my first choice for dinner since I've almost taken beef out of my diet. Oh... well actually today we went to Burger King and I got a cheeseburger... but is that even real beef? I don't think so. Generally it's been making me feel sick. I can't have even three bites of a steak or a homemade burger but I can have a sandwich with roast beef... Back to what I was talking about... After dinner my boyfriend's mom and I went to Starbucks to knit. And it was just a nice night where I didn't need my sweatshirt until 8:00 and we were just talking about things... everything really. I told her about how I'm not even sure if I want to do French or Sociology as a major and that since she and my grandma both think I should at least check out Psychology that maybe I should do that. Especially since I think about it all the time. And I think I'm pretty good at analyzing people which I do naturally. Maybe because of my dad or because of my mom. The point is that it struck me as so frustrating just because I've already spent two years at this community college and I'm really worrying that this might actually be the direction I want to head in and I want to get the hell out of here and transfer for next fall.

I just finished a book that's really popular now The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I felt like everything I read would be helpful for someone Then she's really tired so we get in the car and drive back to her house where my car is. And then we're sitting in the car at her house and I just can't help myself and launch into this really fast conversation about how I'm trying to be a happier person slowly through this book and how I feel like I don't talk about certain people at all and I'm really proud of that. I feel like I'll never want to stop talking shit about certain people that I see all the time like her husband and how he does stupid things. But I never talk about my friend, X, who even though she drives me crazy, I can't actually say anything bad about her. I can always say that it drives me crazy that X is so indecisive but then again I'm bossy and controlling so maybe it actually is a good thing because then I get to choose what I want. But then maybe since X has known me for so long that X knows that I'm bossy and controlling so she wants to make me happy and just lets me choose anyways. And maybe that drives X crazy. And then this led into how my boyfriend's mom is indecisive and how I never know if she actually likes things or says she likes them A/ to get me to eat them or B/ because she thinks that I will be happy if she says she likes them. Which of course I know that both of these things drive me crazy. But it was so nice to just have this conversation that when I left it I felt like this huge weight was lifted off me. I felt so light that when I got home I decided to tidy for ten minutes like my grandma always has told me.

I have a new job that I do on Mondays and Fridays that is exactly the same thing I've been doing so that's nice. And the girl is super nice and easy to deal with like a normal ten year old.

It's my bedtime in three minutes. 10:30. Fuck 8:00 classes.

There's so much from that book by Gretchen Rubin that I want to talk about. My own mini happiness project. I've already started but I want to record things.

twenty-one

Right now I'm having a really hard time deciding what to do. I go to community college and I've already thrown out two majors. The first was engineering because I really want to work with water. It's so interesting to me to see the cleaning processes as well as retrieval of water in California. (If you didn't know, socal isn't supposed to have so many people and they pay lots of money to ship their water in from norcal.) This idea of water made me want to go into alternative ways to get water. And I suppose I could still follow this path because water will be scarce in the future with aquifers being depleted along with the increase of population. Anyways so my first college math course of Calculus was no good. Since I had taken Pre-calculus in high school I assumed I would be prepared. No. Once my teacher started talking about limits I already had no idea what I was doing. So I got a "W" (for withdraw) and then I took Pre-calculus over the summer. Still no mention of limits. And then my boyfriend is taking the class this semester and they introduce limits there. Seriously?

My second plan was Marine Biology. It would be a great end goal of studying squid or sea anemones. And so first to ruin the plan was my cousin who also wanted to do that which is annoying because his parents rub it in my dad's face, and mine too, that their kids are so much better than my dad's. So no matter what if we did the same thing, my cousin would just be better. But whatever right? People change their majors all the time. And since he was only becoming a senior in high school, what did he know? So I'll stick with my thing and hope he changes to something else. So then I learned I needed Calculus. And by this time, a year later, I knew people I could talk to. I told myself I would actually do the homework that was assigned. I would learn it damn it. So of course one week prior to the start of spring semester, I chickened out. Or maybe it was just that the next three semesters looked bleak. And seriously... Who wants to go to school every day for a year and a half plus not liking a single one of your classes? I mean you would think that I would like biology if I was going to major in it. But I don't.

So I stopped that plan as well. So I dropped all those classes I hadn't even started and instead took things I wanted. So of course this semester I actually enjoy going to school. (Or at least I would if I liked one of my professors... stupid mythology...) So I'm taking three fun classes and one designed to get me to exercise. I love my French class. The second class I enjoy is sociology. It is a really depressing course but I've found all the concepts really interesting. The last class I thought would be fun and I only now know that it's not: mythology. Now I know that I only enjoy classical mythology, at least The Odyssey and the nicer stories you hear from the ancient Greeks. For example, we read the story of Demeter and Persephone where Persephone gets taken to the underworld by Hades and it results in the seasons. But my class had to ruin the story saying that it's a story about rape. Please stop. And I guess solely because it's a college course, we have to read texts by actual people. So it ruined the Norse myths too. Also it's a bad teacher. The point is, now I know not to take mythology.

Well the real point is that now I have no major really. I keep thinking that I should continue to do marine bio but now it feels too late. But I also keep coming back to language. Fall semester I'll take French and German and I'm really excited about those. I also want to take psychology again (first time was in high school when I didn't give a shit). Maybe I can skip the intro class and do something more interesting. Because there was a lot I didn't find interesting. And I want to take the next sociology class. So that's the plan. I don't really know what my options are but taking the classes I actually like feels like the next step.

In sociology we talked about female circumcision. I've known what it is for a while now but it seriously needs a new name. Or maybe the United States is still too sexist to give a horrible name to a horrible thing.