Thirty

Today did not feel like any kind of stressful day. My boss didn't tell me that she needed me to work. She hasn't talked to me about tomorrow. Whatever. I'm not working tomorrow for her anyways which I told her last week... but then she never told me that she received that. (Fuck me right?) Anyways recently I broke a knitting needle. And luckily that's no big deal since there's an extra in the package. And then I finally started knitting again on Monday after a month without and it turns out I broke another. So today was awesome because after a really long day at school I accomplished something by first standing around in the stupid craft store for twenty minutes not finding what's supposed to be right in front of me (which ended up being right in front of me) and then dealing with the checkout line that's always extremely long. (Why is that?) And then I knitted. So that should have been my moment of relaxation. Then I realized I was tense so luckily my boyfriend was there being awesome and giving me the best massage since for once I was actually sore so many places from my killer cardio kickboxing workout yesterday. I hate the class but I LOVE saying that I did some actual exercise. And then we ended up going to dinner with his parents. And so there I am sitting there laughing at his dad for "dieting" by "not eating carbs" which translates to no bread, pasta, or cereal. Which in fact he has actually stuck to not eating any of those things. He still eats pizza (even the crust which he saves to dip in hummus), tortilla chips, rice, potatoes, etc. So there we are at dinner and he needed to order an appetizer which ends up being fried zucchini. HA! His wife eats one and he eats eleven. And then he eats every single bit of his steak dinner emptying his plate including the sides. Who does that? Also no wonder he hasn't lost any weight... How has he not gained any more since I've met him either?!? And then there's me and my boyfriend sharing a salad. And just because it sounded good I got the baked sweet potato. And I hope to never get that again. As a side note: going to Black Angus makes me feel so cheap. It's a steak house, but it's never worth whatever it is for a dinner... Forty bucks? I don't even know since that is not my first choice for dinner since I've almost taken beef out of my diet. Oh... well actually today we went to Burger King and I got a cheeseburger... but is that even real beef? I don't think so. Generally it's been making me feel sick. I can't have even three bites of a steak or a homemade burger but I can have a sandwich with roast beef... Back to what I was talking about... After dinner my boyfriend's mom and I went to Starbucks to knit. And it was just a nice night where I didn't need my sweatshirt until 8:00 and we were just talking about things... everything really. I told her about how I'm not even sure if I want to do French or Sociology as a major and that since she and my grandma both think I should at least check out Psychology that maybe I should do that. Especially since I think about it all the time. And I think I'm pretty good at analyzing people which I do naturally. Maybe because of my dad or because of my mom. The point is that it struck me as so frustrating just because I've already spent two years at this community college and I'm really worrying that this might actually be the direction I want to head in and I want to get the hell out of here and transfer for next fall.

I just finished a book that's really popular now The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I felt like everything I read would be helpful for someone Then she's really tired so we get in the car and drive back to her house where my car is. And then we're sitting in the car at her house and I just can't help myself and launch into this really fast conversation about how I'm trying to be a happier person slowly through this book and how I feel like I don't talk about certain people at all and I'm really proud of that. I feel like I'll never want to stop talking shit about certain people that I see all the time like her husband and how he does stupid things. But I never talk about my friend, X, who even though she drives me crazy, I can't actually say anything bad about her. I can always say that it drives me crazy that X is so indecisive but then again I'm bossy and controlling so maybe it actually is a good thing because then I get to choose what I want. But then maybe since X has known me for so long that X knows that I'm bossy and controlling so she wants to make me happy and just lets me choose anyways. And maybe that drives X crazy. And then this led into how my boyfriend's mom is indecisive and how I never know if she actually likes things or says she likes them A/ to get me to eat them or B/ because she thinks that I will be happy if she says she likes them. Which of course I know that both of these things drive me crazy. But it was so nice to just have this conversation that when I left it I felt like this huge weight was lifted off me. I felt so light that when I got home I decided to tidy for ten minutes like my grandma always has told me.

I have a new job that I do on Mondays and Fridays that is exactly the same thing I've been doing so that's nice. And the girl is super nice and easy to deal with like a normal ten year old.

It's my bedtime in three minutes. 10:30. Fuck 8:00 classes.

There's so much from that book by Gretchen Rubin that I want to talk about. My own mini happiness project. I've already started but I want to record things.

Sixteen

36 things I love right now:
1. Shopping online for dresses.There's this great website called modcloth that I absolutely love. They have great dresses there.
2. Reading. I just read the first three Twilight books again. I wish Twilight fans didn't go so fucking crazy with Twilight. I wish they could just let me read my girl porn in peace. And then right now I'm reading the second Game of Thrones. A Clash of Kings. It's not as easy of a read as Twilight. But I think it's less embarassing to say that I'm reading it.
3. Books. Mostly finding a new book and buying it. I'm not so good with libraries. Those books smell. So instead I get a Kindle. I love you, Amazon. And with it I can get books for free. Thank you, Internet.
4. Drinking iced chai lattes. Especially since I've been able to find a cheaper alternative than $4 at Starbucks. Before I wasn't able to find any other options
5. Whole milk. If you've grown up drinking nothing else, then it's the only thing you can drink. Fat free milk is like water. And 1 and 2% are OK. But I think even those make me sick. Also it's surprising that I'm not overweight at all. And I watch many around me drinking Diet Coke who are overweight.
6. Knitting. It's a recent thing of mine to do this. I started in the fall sometime and I've already made two scarves and now I'm onto socks. I have a great mentor. I think I even have purling down now. It gives me something nice to do at my boyfriend's house.
7. Cute drawer pulls/knobs. I bet I'll end up collecting these as I get older. It started from Anthropologie a couple years ago. And I've found some awesome things. I have these cute little ones on my closet doors. White with roses. And a white flower for my bedside table. And I have another that was too big for the same spot. And then I found some owl ones on pinterest. Awesome.
8. Roses. I can't decide if my favorites are yellow or white. White could seem depressing like funerals or romantic like weddings. And yellow are sweet and smell the best. And then there's red. Too cliche.
9. Owls. They are becoming quite popular. Which is awesome because now I can find lots of things with owls on them.
10. My soulmate. If we were both slightly more lesbian and without boyfriends. Perfect for each other.
11. My dog. He has these super adorable eyebrows that he can move. And he's huge.
12. Puppies. What's not to love? Although I've found three people who don't like puppies. Haters.
13. Pumpkin orange. The one that is in this year and the one before. Or maybe the one before that. The right clothes just aren't finding me. It's the one color I don't have in my wardrobe yet that I actually want there. And that doesn't happen often.
14. Bright colors. I have neon yellow and lime green. But I want more. It makes life so vibrant.
15. Charcoal gray. I own many things of this color. Or noncolor if that's the way you go through life. It goes so well with my skin. And everything cute happens to be in this color.
16. Underwear. It used to be all about the sexy underwear so I could feel confident. But now I don't have enough panties that I can just wear on normal days. The ones that I hope my boss sees instead of the sexy ones that I hope she never sees.
17. Tigers. My boyfriend is the tiger of my life. From "whoa there tiger" when we first started dating. I love it.
18. Dragons. Always reminding me of the tattoo that I want. It's in my head. But too bad I'm not good at drawing. I'm thinking I might just do a bad ass bear instead. My family is all about the bears. Which would make more sense than a dragon that has no place anywhere in my life except that it's so awesome.
19. Baking. I've realized about myself that my baking talents aren't that good. I've tried to make things other than what I'm good at making and they're so horrible. Peanut butter cookies and apple pie. Both of which turn out amazing every time. Especially the apple pie. The best since I was five years old and my grandpa didn't believe me I made a pie all by myself.
20. Patterns. Stripes. Polka dots. Zig zags. Plaid. I think about them all the time. I wish I could be something like an interior decorator with ideas like these. Or rather I would just like to include them in my life. So inspirational.
21. Print making. I was surprised to find there are so many different ways to make prints. My favorites are linoleum cuts and monoprinting watercolors.
22. Photography. I dabbled a bit in high school and came out with several shots I love but nothing more. I have great respect for those who do their own dark room work. It's difficult because the world doesn't stop for you. And when you find something great to photo, it just doesn't look that great as a photo.
23. Zooey Deschanel. She is probably one of the few actresses out there I love. (500) Days of Summer. One of my favorite movies. And she's in New Girl. Awesome show. And her sister in Bones. Another great show of a different kind.
24. Music. Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People. The Promise by When in Rome. Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club. Walking On A Dream by Empire of the Sun. Hermit the Frog by Marina & the Diamonds. We Are Young by Fun. Somebody I Used to Know by Gotye. Always Something There to Remind Me by Naked Eyes.
25. The smell of cloves. It reminds me of gingerbread cookies. Which reminds me of my favorite holiday Christmas Eve. My busiest day of the year when I can expect awesome things. Awesome cookies. Awesome dinner with buttery bread. Awesome gift giving and receiving. Awesome dressing up wearing heels. Awesome clam chowder for my dinner. Awesome happy people. Awesome traditions.
26. Cuddling with my boyfriend. My boyfriend. You know I think I was able to get a boyfriend because I didn't put Edward Cullen in such a high place. It's too bad they cast Cedric Diggory as Edward. I guess it could have been the director but that was a terrible role for him. Nothing like the Edward I'd pictured in my head. Thanks for ruining Twilight a bit for me. It was much nicer when I was finally able to get him out of my head.
27. Sushi. We have this place we go with the greatest roll ever. Tempura shrimp and crab on the inside. Minced garlic on the outside. Called the Nuclear Roll. It's a garlic lover's dream.
28. Garlic. I put it on everything. It makes the world taste better.
29. Barbecue sauce. Especially with chicken. I can't say exactly why I love it so much.
30. Sourdough bread. Clearly I'm from California. People don't know about this on the other coast. But am I an addict if I have this every day?
31. Dressing up for fun. Wearing heels. Dresses. Jeans. Makeup. Hair. New clothes. Feeling pretty.
32. Blue jeans. Casual love.
33. The number 10. It's my birthday. And it's fabulous.
34. French. Things. The language. It's all so romantic.
35. Doing something I don't normally do. Inspire me.
36. Ke$ha. Or Key-ha as I like to call her. Embarassingly enough I love her music. It's just so trashy and silly. Thank you for your fun music.