Twenty

I'm watching people trying to give away stuff and it feels like everything they can't let go. I hope I'm not like that when I'm older. It's painful when you think of everything as a memory that you don't want to lose. Is every memory that important?

Nineteen

So today was really good. I learned my boyfriend did the best in his class on a midterm (so awesome!!) and we went out to my favorite Mexican place because they have these amazing bean burritos. Also it's in our price range (so awesome!!!). And it has good other things. And then I knitted for a long time today. Although I didn't see my soulmate so that was sad.

This weekend just burned me out. I hate hotels. And I love being back in my bed.

I started reading The Help and when I'm trying to go to sleep the vernacular in the book is hard to read. I have to almost say the words aloud to understand what they mean. Like law = lord. That one took the longest.

Also my boobs hurt. And I'm not sure why. I wish they didn't. I wish I wasn't so tired.

I miss my soulmate's kitty.

Eighteen

I'm so frustrated right now with the world. More specifically my boyfriend's dad. The ruiner of good things. I could just scream. Except if you see me I'm so calm. What is going on. So the screaming... My boyfriend has a brother. Who went to Hawaii with his mom and dad. They were there for his spring break and it was really nice. Blah blah blah. They come back. His mom and I are knitting and she tells me about this dress she tried on while they were there. One of those wear it a million ways. And she's telling me all the reasons she didn't buy it. It's silk so it could get runs in it super easy. And it shows her ankles and she doesn't like her ankles. Plus she would never wear it. So then she's bringing out gifts for me and my boyfriend and she's all excited to give me stuff. And she gets to the bottom of this big bag of things and is all Mr. Last Name! Did you get this for me?! Oh my god did you get this for me? No response. Brother? Oh my gosh. Brother! Etc etc... And this lasts for half an hour of her freaking out and the brother is trying to console her. And the dad is being all calm. Mom is telling Brother that he shouldn't have spent so much money. 150$. Whoa there Bessie. Honestly he's in the Air Force Academy. Graduating this year. They pay him to go there. And this kid doesn't spend his money on anything. Only this year he spent some because he finally was able to drive off campus with a car. Anyways. He has lots of money. And I think it's soooo sweet that he bought something nice for his mom who clearly wanted the damn dress. So it's nice.

Later she and I are just knitting some more. And I hear Mr. Last Name saying that's way too much money. You should jot be spending that much money blah blah blah. And Brother says well I have five thousand dollars in my account and it just sits there. Etc. Then Mr. Last Name starts on son #2, my boyfriend, and says your brother sandbagged your mom twice this year. You need to catch up.

And I just want to scream ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! Seriously... This was so nice that Brother did something so sweet for his mom. Now my boyfriend doesn't have a job. Plays video games all the time. Goes to community college. Doesn't get paid for that. Doesn't have a job. (Right now I don't care that he doesn't have a job. He just needs to get good grades so we can go away to a four year college. I just want him to get accepted dammit!) And he's finally getting halfway decent grades. Considering he tried to fail high school... Both boys are in completely different places. Two years apart in school. Different levels of maturity. Different goals in life. Different lives growing up. The older listens to the dad and does things the dad wants. And the younger one, the one that's mine, does everything on his own. He doesn't listen to anyone. Barely even me. The two are different Fucking people.

I just know that when I'm a parent I want my kids to be recognized as different people. And I want to raise them as such.

Also I would like to commend my boyfriend for not taking this bullshit. Too much pressure.

Seventeen

I went lingerie shopping for my cousin today. I'm not sure why, but I can't find a picture of what I got online. But it's not specifically for a bride and I got it at Victoria's Secret. It's teal with green lace so it's funky but nice. And I gave her the gift receipt if she wanted to get something else.
Her wedding is on Saturday. And I'm in it. Wearing a floor length royal blue dress.  (-->) Silver jeweled flats. And I'm doing my own makeup. In a previous post I mentioned how much makeup is so annoying. But it turns out that my super great idea of just doing brown/copper eyeshadow will work. Luckily I have some eyeshadow that will work. I did of course buy some new lipstick. So expensive. Jeez. Twenty bucks. Whatever. I didn't really have anything. Although I might just end up using the one I already owned anyways. But I did find an orange that was warmer. Awesome. This is an idea of the makeup that I will be wearing. But this was done by a professional at Sephora and I seriously don't have that kind of skill since I rarely do my own make up.





I'm getting really hungry now so I think I'll go eat.

Sixteen

36 things I love right now:
1. Shopping online for dresses.There's this great website called modcloth that I absolutely love. They have great dresses there.
2. Reading. I just read the first three Twilight books again. I wish Twilight fans didn't go so fucking crazy with Twilight. I wish they could just let me read my girl porn in peace. And then right now I'm reading the second Game of Thrones. A Clash of Kings. It's not as easy of a read as Twilight. But I think it's less embarassing to say that I'm reading it.
3. Books. Mostly finding a new book and buying it. I'm not so good with libraries. Those books smell. So instead I get a Kindle. I love you, Amazon. And with it I can get books for free. Thank you, Internet.
4. Drinking iced chai lattes. Especially since I've been able to find a cheaper alternative than $4 at Starbucks. Before I wasn't able to find any other options
5. Whole milk. If you've grown up drinking nothing else, then it's the only thing you can drink. Fat free milk is like water. And 1 and 2% are OK. But I think even those make me sick. Also it's surprising that I'm not overweight at all. And I watch many around me drinking Diet Coke who are overweight.
6. Knitting. It's a recent thing of mine to do this. I started in the fall sometime and I've already made two scarves and now I'm onto socks. I have a great mentor. I think I even have purling down now. It gives me something nice to do at my boyfriend's house.
7. Cute drawer pulls/knobs. I bet I'll end up collecting these as I get older. It started from Anthropologie a couple years ago. And I've found some awesome things. I have these cute little ones on my closet doors. White with roses. And a white flower for my bedside table. And I have another that was too big for the same spot. And then I found some owl ones on pinterest. Awesome.
8. Roses. I can't decide if my favorites are yellow or white. White could seem depressing like funerals or romantic like weddings. And yellow are sweet and smell the best. And then there's red. Too cliche.
9. Owls. They are becoming quite popular. Which is awesome because now I can find lots of things with owls on them.
10. My soulmate. If we were both slightly more lesbian and without boyfriends. Perfect for each other.
11. My dog. He has these super adorable eyebrows that he can move. And he's huge.
12. Puppies. What's not to love? Although I've found three people who don't like puppies. Haters.
13. Pumpkin orange. The one that is in this year and the one before. Or maybe the one before that. The right clothes just aren't finding me. It's the one color I don't have in my wardrobe yet that I actually want there. And that doesn't happen often.
14. Bright colors. I have neon yellow and lime green. But I want more. It makes life so vibrant.
15. Charcoal gray. I own many things of this color. Or noncolor if that's the way you go through life. It goes so well with my skin. And everything cute happens to be in this color.
16. Underwear. It used to be all about the sexy underwear so I could feel confident. But now I don't have enough panties that I can just wear on normal days. The ones that I hope my boss sees instead of the sexy ones that I hope she never sees.
17. Tigers. My boyfriend is the tiger of my life. From "whoa there tiger" when we first started dating. I love it.
18. Dragons. Always reminding me of the tattoo that I want. It's in my head. But too bad I'm not good at drawing. I'm thinking I might just do a bad ass bear instead. My family is all about the bears. Which would make more sense than a dragon that has no place anywhere in my life except that it's so awesome.
19. Baking. I've realized about myself that my baking talents aren't that good. I've tried to make things other than what I'm good at making and they're so horrible. Peanut butter cookies and apple pie. Both of which turn out amazing every time. Especially the apple pie. The best since I was five years old and my grandpa didn't believe me I made a pie all by myself.
20. Patterns. Stripes. Polka dots. Zig zags. Plaid. I think about them all the time. I wish I could be something like an interior decorator with ideas like these. Or rather I would just like to include them in my life. So inspirational.
21. Print making. I was surprised to find there are so many different ways to make prints. My favorites are linoleum cuts and monoprinting watercolors.
22. Photography. I dabbled a bit in high school and came out with several shots I love but nothing more. I have great respect for those who do their own dark room work. It's difficult because the world doesn't stop for you. And when you find something great to photo, it just doesn't look that great as a photo.
23. Zooey Deschanel. She is probably one of the few actresses out there I love. (500) Days of Summer. One of my favorite movies. And she's in New Girl. Awesome show. And her sister in Bones. Another great show of a different kind.
24. Music. Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People. The Promise by When in Rome. Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club. Walking On A Dream by Empire of the Sun. Hermit the Frog by Marina & the Diamonds. We Are Young by Fun. Somebody I Used to Know by Gotye. Always Something There to Remind Me by Naked Eyes.
25. The smell of cloves. It reminds me of gingerbread cookies. Which reminds me of my favorite holiday Christmas Eve. My busiest day of the year when I can expect awesome things. Awesome cookies. Awesome dinner with buttery bread. Awesome gift giving and receiving. Awesome dressing up wearing heels. Awesome clam chowder for my dinner. Awesome happy people. Awesome traditions.
26. Cuddling with my boyfriend. My boyfriend. You know I think I was able to get a boyfriend because I didn't put Edward Cullen in such a high place. It's too bad they cast Cedric Diggory as Edward. I guess it could have been the director but that was a terrible role for him. Nothing like the Edward I'd pictured in my head. Thanks for ruining Twilight a bit for me. It was much nicer when I was finally able to get him out of my head.
27. Sushi. We have this place we go with the greatest roll ever. Tempura shrimp and crab on the inside. Minced garlic on the outside. Called the Nuclear Roll. It's a garlic lover's dream.
28. Garlic. I put it on everything. It makes the world taste better.
29. Barbecue sauce. Especially with chicken. I can't say exactly why I love it so much.
30. Sourdough bread. Clearly I'm from California. People don't know about this on the other coast. But am I an addict if I have this every day?
31. Dressing up for fun. Wearing heels. Dresses. Jeans. Makeup. Hair. New clothes. Feeling pretty.
32. Blue jeans. Casual love.
33. The number 10. It's my birthday. And it's fabulous.
34. French. Things. The language. It's all so romantic.
35. Doing something I don't normally do. Inspire me.
36. Ke$ha. Or Key-ha as I like to call her. Embarassingly enough I love her music. It's just so trashy and silly. Thank you for your fun music.

Fifteen

To all the women in the world. I'm amazed how much time you spend doing your makeup and your hair. Today I must have spent a half an hour doing my makeup to decide what I should wear for a wedding. I didn't even do my hair. And I can't imagine how that wouldn't just suck up all your time. To think if I did that every morning, how early I would have to wake up. Instead it can take me twenty minutes. I get dressed and eat breakfast and I leave. Twenty minutes. If an hour was tacked onto that I would not be getting so much sleep. And I get barely enough sleep as it is. I've decided it is a timesuck.

Because I don't spend that time in the morning, not to mention reapplication and removal, I'm less girly. I rarely wear makeup. I rarely do my hair. I wear it in a ponytail every day. I don't see anyone else do the same. Unless it's a sweatpants day.

I started watching this show called Awake. It's like my story. The thing that I like about it is that it's actually a thing. Something someone actually wrote and developped. Except now my story is not so original. Maybe it wasn't original even before Awake. Now I must make up something different. Or actually come up with a plot line for mine. Or I could just go back to writing poetry.

Fourteen

I'm sorry it's been so long again. But this is my week of spring break from college. I have so much time to do whatever I want.

I just saw the last few episodes of The Bachelor with Ben and Courtney. It's weird because I only started watching this show with my best friend in January during our long winter break. Well we originally started watching The Bachelorette. The season with the news guy and the pro wrestler. We were only like four episodes into that when the site we were watching it on went down with the attack on the internet and SOPA. Now I can only watch the last five episodes or whatever. I don't like Courtney. I just don't like girls like that. She was fake behind his back with the other girls. And she wouldn't let him talk. And she was so insecure and kept talking about how hard it was for her and the other girls. I don't really care though. I just don't like drama.

It's funny because I see myself saying that but only recently have been noticing how sometimes I create drama. It makes me hate myself.