Thirty-one

Today I would just like to say a few random things. (Because I should actually be studying.)

At my commuter school, I'm actually making friends. One girl in my French class I enjoy very much. I hope we can still be friends after this semester is over. Also I've joined a Sociology club since I'm thinking I might major in that.... but my Urban Communities class is making me seriously want to steer clear. Damn. But French is still in the horizon.

I had a thought that it's really stupid to make any language a major. Just because some Europeans know several languages, why am I making it my goal to only learn two. It just feels so American. But then on the other hand English (literature) is a major just because there is so much about it to discuss. And I know part of French is reading as well. Since I love to read, maybe my major will change to French literature. There's so many options.

Sociology club is awesome.

When fat people walk into a restaurant in front of me, I no longer want to go in. Today that was Panda Express. One of the women was wearing yoga pants. I wonder if she knows they are for exercising.

I don't have a favorite band. My answer to which one is your favorite is too long and complicated plus no one cares. Today I have a Weezer shirt on and yes they are a good band and have lots of really good songs but no. I guess they would be my favorite since I like most of their songs. For example I love Tim McGraw but I only like less than ten of his songs and I don't even like the last two singles. (Felt Good On My Lips and Better Than I Used To Be) I guess I'm behind on his music... Truck Yeah is the most recent that I haven't even heard which of course I also don't really like. I would do much better with what's your favorite genre? And I'd say alternative. Because of this I'm not one of Apple's best customers through Itunes because for sure I don't consume their other products at least rapidly. I've had two iPods or three since one of them broke but it got replaced for free since it was under warantee. I had the first for two years and the next one for less than six months when it decided to not work correctly and then this one for about three and a half. The point is that I like to save my money and my older larger crappy iPod still works fine. I've never even needed the battery changed. And it's eighty gigs so I don't need any more space anyways. I don't even have it half filled up. I also like Katy Perry, Ke-ha (aka Ke$ha by everyone else), Snow Patrol, Lifehouse, Blink-182, Heart, The xx, Shania Twain, Britney Spears, Sage Francis, Arctic Monkeys, Gary Allan, Black Eyed Peas, Kings of Leon, Incubus... etc. But I can never say that I like every single song of any of these people.

And then of course looking at the songs I do have on my Itunes it's pretty embarrassing. I  actually have eleven Nickelback songs. I have memories of Animal which makes that a nice song to hear and How You Remind Me is actually a good song, but the rest just make me laugh at what I used to be. It reminds me of a picture I saw on the internet of a girl with a tattoo that said Nickelback. I just think it's clear that she just wants to sleep with one of the band members. I've heard that there's a website that girls post how many famous band members they've slept with. Anyone with more than one who isn't famous, you're a slut.

My arm has been hurting for six days now. I punched the air so that's why I'm in pain. I have to take around three ibuprofen a day. I'm due for another one.

We are getting a puppy! Her name is Cheyanne? I'm not sure how we will spell it yet. But I didn't find out that was her name until yesterday. It's been bothering me all day since one person made the decision. We don't even have her yet. And I know I made my input known. I thought Cirrus would be an awesome name. She's an English Cream Golden Retriever, so being named after a white fluffy cloud would be perfect. And apparently my opinion doesn't matter. Yesterday my boyfriend suggested Dagny to my grandma after Dagny Taggart from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Anyways she told us that she's already been named Cheyanne. The city is spelled Cheyenne I guess but my grandma wants to nickname her Annie. Ok then. And when I looked upset that they already named her, she said since it's a dog I can call her whatever I want and she will respond anyways. That would confuse her. Cheyenne is a cute name, I just wish my opinion was considered and that this was a vote. I remember being twelve and thinking my brother's name is stupid, Reno. And I still do, but I can't change a family name. And it turns out they spelled it wrong.

There's actually a French test tomorrow and I have to study for it because pronouns are too confusing especially mixed with negaives and past tense etc. Also I need to do some laundry. And I have plans for finishing my sock!!! If not tonight I will finish it this weekend and I'm so excited to finally be able to wear them since it will be cold soon. Please weather, stop being eighty degrees.

Thirty

Today did not feel like any kind of stressful day. My boss didn't tell me that she needed me to work. She hasn't talked to me about tomorrow. Whatever. I'm not working tomorrow for her anyways which I told her last week... but then she never told me that she received that. (Fuck me right?) Anyways recently I broke a knitting needle. And luckily that's no big deal since there's an extra in the package. And then I finally started knitting again on Monday after a month without and it turns out I broke another. So today was awesome because after a really long day at school I accomplished something by first standing around in the stupid craft store for twenty minutes not finding what's supposed to be right in front of me (which ended up being right in front of me) and then dealing with the checkout line that's always extremely long. (Why is that?) And then I knitted. So that should have been my moment of relaxation. Then I realized I was tense so luckily my boyfriend was there being awesome and giving me the best massage since for once I was actually sore so many places from my killer cardio kickboxing workout yesterday. I hate the class but I LOVE saying that I did some actual exercise. And then we ended up going to dinner with his parents. And so there I am sitting there laughing at his dad for "dieting" by "not eating carbs" which translates to no bread, pasta, or cereal. Which in fact he has actually stuck to not eating any of those things. He still eats pizza (even the crust which he saves to dip in hummus), tortilla chips, rice, potatoes, etc. So there we are at dinner and he needed to order an appetizer which ends up being fried zucchini. HA! His wife eats one and he eats eleven. And then he eats every single bit of his steak dinner emptying his plate including the sides. Who does that? Also no wonder he hasn't lost any weight... How has he not gained any more since I've met him either?!? And then there's me and my boyfriend sharing a salad. And just because it sounded good I got the baked sweet potato. And I hope to never get that again. As a side note: going to Black Angus makes me feel so cheap. It's a steak house, but it's never worth whatever it is for a dinner... Forty bucks? I don't even know since that is not my first choice for dinner since I've almost taken beef out of my diet. Oh... well actually today we went to Burger King and I got a cheeseburger... but is that even real beef? I don't think so. Generally it's been making me feel sick. I can't have even three bites of a steak or a homemade burger but I can have a sandwich with roast beef... Back to what I was talking about... After dinner my boyfriend's mom and I went to Starbucks to knit. And it was just a nice night where I didn't need my sweatshirt until 8:00 and we were just talking about things... everything really. I told her about how I'm not even sure if I want to do French or Sociology as a major and that since she and my grandma both think I should at least check out Psychology that maybe I should do that. Especially since I think about it all the time. And I think I'm pretty good at analyzing people which I do naturally. Maybe because of my dad or because of my mom. The point is that it struck me as so frustrating just because I've already spent two years at this community college and I'm really worrying that this might actually be the direction I want to head in and I want to get the hell out of here and transfer for next fall.

I just finished a book that's really popular now The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I felt like everything I read would be helpful for someone Then she's really tired so we get in the car and drive back to her house where my car is. And then we're sitting in the car at her house and I just can't help myself and launch into this really fast conversation about how I'm trying to be a happier person slowly through this book and how I feel like I don't talk about certain people at all and I'm really proud of that. I feel like I'll never want to stop talking shit about certain people that I see all the time like her husband and how he does stupid things. But I never talk about my friend, X, who even though she drives me crazy, I can't actually say anything bad about her. I can always say that it drives me crazy that X is so indecisive but then again I'm bossy and controlling so maybe it actually is a good thing because then I get to choose what I want. But then maybe since X has known me for so long that X knows that I'm bossy and controlling so she wants to make me happy and just lets me choose anyways. And maybe that drives X crazy. And then this led into how my boyfriend's mom is indecisive and how I never know if she actually likes things or says she likes them A/ to get me to eat them or B/ because she thinks that I will be happy if she says she likes them. Which of course I know that both of these things drive me crazy. But it was so nice to just have this conversation that when I left it I felt like this huge weight was lifted off me. I felt so light that when I got home I decided to tidy for ten minutes like my grandma always has told me.

I have a new job that I do on Mondays and Fridays that is exactly the same thing I've been doing so that's nice. And the girl is super nice and easy to deal with like a normal ten year old.

It's my bedtime in three minutes. 10:30. Fuck 8:00 classes.

There's so much from that book by Gretchen Rubin that I want to talk about. My own mini happiness project. I've already started but I want to record things.

Twenty-nine

Brett Olson memorial tonight was really nice. Everything his dad said made me wish I knew him better.

My favorite memory of him was in a rally when he and four other guys lip synced to the Backstreet Boys. He was exactly the great, happy, smiling, funny guy that everyone says.

RIP

twenty-eight

People and I went to have fun on Sunday so me and the boyfriend got sunburnt. En francais (not sure how to make cedille) : J'ai brule (another accent problem). And it looks funny on my chest because I had a collar.

Today I found out about this thing called a transfer agreement. And it's due in September. But apparently the schools stop accepting them after a while so as soon as you can get it in the better your chances. And I have to meet with a stupid counselor. And I won't be able to get an appointment until the earliest of the 12th.

Also I think I might have allergies. But I wake up with a sore throat. And it sucks because I'm sneezing all the time and my left nose runs. (Nostril is a shitty word.)

I need to learn numbers in Italian.

Now I need to sleep.

twenty-seven

So I'm busy and tired and this made me laugh because it's just so true.

And I would also like to say that shutupimtalking.com is hilarious.

twenty-six

I made some more cupcakes with my soulmate today. And we went to IKEA. And we went to Beverly's. It was a very nice day until I started talking about my boyfriend problems. We all have them so no big deal. I'm just frustrated with myself. You don't know it's love until you have it. And now I feel like I've lost a little bit of it so I don't even have it anymore. I'm not sure if I feel better after my talk today with my soulmate about it. When he was gone I missed him. But not that much. And now he's back and I feel different.

I watched the last four episodes of Sex and the City tonight. It did make me feel a little bit better. And it made my night go really well. And then he got home and I feel all sick again. I hope this is just a weird time. I want it to go back to what it was.

And I want my fucking headache to go away too.

twenty-five

I made some cupcakes with my soulmate today. And I was pretty boring and used a boxed cake recipe and frosting from a jar. Jesus that frosting was disgusting by itself. And I read the ingredients... My goodness... And then I tasted the frosting by itself because it's my favorite--cream cheese. And it left this horrible metallic aftertaste in my mouth. I blame you Betty Crocker. Next time I will make my own damn frosting. None of this lazy bull shit. And it will taste fucking amazing.

So now of course these cupcakes will go to my French class tomorrow. I'm not sure if there will be enough but first come first serve. I don't give a shit. Though I don't really care about my French classmates. I'm only friends with one or two of them. I could give them to my mythology mates... But there's this one chick that's a superbitch to everyone in the class. And she's super fat. I'm not really sure how those two are related. But she would love my cupcakes. She eats everything that comes to class. Not surprisingly, it disgusts me. If she was nice, it would disgust me less. It's really too bad. So French it is. Because of that one chick. And I have better friends in mythology... I guess it's just too bad for them.

Also I'm not looking forward to going to Sociology tomorrow evening. This chick last time was bitching a lot about how the teacher "threatened" to give her a worse grade on her test and suggested that if she wanted to do that then she should go to his office hours. And then he left because we had a break and she's all blah blah blah about how she's tried to email him  and he never replies and go to see him during office hours but he's never there and how she's going to write to the dean about him. And honestly, this teacher is really good and she shouldn't be complaining. It's not that hard to get an A in this class. But she was making me really anxious how much she was going off on the guy. And I'm fucking tired of feeling anxious like that.

twenty-four

Even though I knew I was at the right place at the right time for two and a half hours, it turned out I didn't need to be there. And there ended up being this weird level of embarrassment that made me feel sick. And then I was just frustrated for being somewhere for too long when I could have been home doing something useful like homework. So of course I got home an hour ago and I still haven't done any more homework.

twenty-three

In under a week I've had three horrible dreams. In the first I got lost and then was raped. And that sounds bad but there wasn't really anything scary other than I woke up breathing really hard. I'm just glad my boyfriend was next to me when I woke up. He held me tight when I asked him. I was only able to sleep after ten minutes of him calming me down. But it was comical the next day. I remember the rapist talking to himself and he said something about downward dog. Which would be really hard for anyone to be in that position having sex.

The second dream there was an apocalypse. Not officially but there was a thing with gum and it was like a magnet for people. And people got sick off it. And then I felt like I was the only person alive.

The last one I was driving down this street. And then my boyfriend and I saw ducklings. So we stopped. And I was trying to put them in my trunk. In my "dream" car. A hatchback. And they kept jumping out. And then this guy was there trying to steal my car.

The weird thing is that I can explain the apocalypse one because I've been thinking about how zombies are scary and that is how the world would end. And how I wouldn't make it.

I'm just tired of the bad dreams. They can stop now. Thanks.

twenty-two

Last semester there was a foreign exchange student in my chemistry class from Vietnam. And knowing that Vietnam was once a French colony I was excited to maybe speak French with someone who could actually speak French. So I asked him if he could and he looked at me funny. And I said well it's a legitimate question seeing how France once had control over Vietnam and I guess he had never heard of this. So today in my French class I felt bad for assuming he knew French because there was this war of independence from the French. And Vietnamese nationalists I guess went into houses and yelled "Feu!" and if people jumped up scared then they were killed. Why wasn't I taught this in high school?

twenty-one

Right now I'm having a really hard time deciding what to do. I go to community college and I've already thrown out two majors. The first was engineering because I really want to work with water. It's so interesting to me to see the cleaning processes as well as retrieval of water in California. (If you didn't know, socal isn't supposed to have so many people and they pay lots of money to ship their water in from norcal.) This idea of water made me want to go into alternative ways to get water. And I suppose I could still follow this path because water will be scarce in the future with aquifers being depleted along with the increase of population. Anyways so my first college math course of Calculus was no good. Since I had taken Pre-calculus in high school I assumed I would be prepared. No. Once my teacher started talking about limits I already had no idea what I was doing. So I got a "W" (for withdraw) and then I took Pre-calculus over the summer. Still no mention of limits. And then my boyfriend is taking the class this semester and they introduce limits there. Seriously?

My second plan was Marine Biology. It would be a great end goal of studying squid or sea anemones. And so first to ruin the plan was my cousin who also wanted to do that which is annoying because his parents rub it in my dad's face, and mine too, that their kids are so much better than my dad's. So no matter what if we did the same thing, my cousin would just be better. But whatever right? People change their majors all the time. And since he was only becoming a senior in high school, what did he know? So I'll stick with my thing and hope he changes to something else. So then I learned I needed Calculus. And by this time, a year later, I knew people I could talk to. I told myself I would actually do the homework that was assigned. I would learn it damn it. So of course one week prior to the start of spring semester, I chickened out. Or maybe it was just that the next three semesters looked bleak. And seriously... Who wants to go to school every day for a year and a half plus not liking a single one of your classes? I mean you would think that I would like biology if I was going to major in it. But I don't.

So I stopped that plan as well. So I dropped all those classes I hadn't even started and instead took things I wanted. So of course this semester I actually enjoy going to school. (Or at least I would if I liked one of my professors... stupid mythology...) So I'm taking three fun classes and one designed to get me to exercise. I love my French class. The second class I enjoy is sociology. It is a really depressing course but I've found all the concepts really interesting. The last class I thought would be fun and I only now know that it's not: mythology. Now I know that I only enjoy classical mythology, at least The Odyssey and the nicer stories you hear from the ancient Greeks. For example, we read the story of Demeter and Persephone where Persephone gets taken to the underworld by Hades and it results in the seasons. But my class had to ruin the story saying that it's a story about rape. Please stop. And I guess solely because it's a college course, we have to read texts by actual people. So it ruined the Norse myths too. Also it's a bad teacher. The point is, now I know not to take mythology.

Well the real point is that now I have no major really. I keep thinking that I should continue to do marine bio but now it feels too late. But I also keep coming back to language. Fall semester I'll take French and German and I'm really excited about those. I also want to take psychology again (first time was in high school when I didn't give a shit). Maybe I can skip the intro class and do something more interesting. Because there was a lot I didn't find interesting. And I want to take the next sociology class. So that's the plan. I don't really know what my options are but taking the classes I actually like feels like the next step.

In sociology we talked about female circumcision. I've known what it is for a while now but it seriously needs a new name. Or maybe the United States is still too sexist to give a horrible name to a horrible thing.

Twenty

I'm watching people trying to give away stuff and it feels like everything they can't let go. I hope I'm not like that when I'm older. It's painful when you think of everything as a memory that you don't want to lose. Is every memory that important?

Nineteen

So today was really good. I learned my boyfriend did the best in his class on a midterm (so awesome!!) and we went out to my favorite Mexican place because they have these amazing bean burritos. Also it's in our price range (so awesome!!!). And it has good other things. And then I knitted for a long time today. Although I didn't see my soulmate so that was sad.

This weekend just burned me out. I hate hotels. And I love being back in my bed.

I started reading The Help and when I'm trying to go to sleep the vernacular in the book is hard to read. I have to almost say the words aloud to understand what they mean. Like law = lord. That one took the longest.

Also my boobs hurt. And I'm not sure why. I wish they didn't. I wish I wasn't so tired.

I miss my soulmate's kitty.

Eighteen

I'm so frustrated right now with the world. More specifically my boyfriend's dad. The ruiner of good things. I could just scream. Except if you see me I'm so calm. What is going on. So the screaming... My boyfriend has a brother. Who went to Hawaii with his mom and dad. They were there for his spring break and it was really nice. Blah blah blah. They come back. His mom and I are knitting and she tells me about this dress she tried on while they were there. One of those wear it a million ways. And she's telling me all the reasons she didn't buy it. It's silk so it could get runs in it super easy. And it shows her ankles and she doesn't like her ankles. Plus she would never wear it. So then she's bringing out gifts for me and my boyfriend and she's all excited to give me stuff. And she gets to the bottom of this big bag of things and is all Mr. Last Name! Did you get this for me?! Oh my god did you get this for me? No response. Brother? Oh my gosh. Brother! Etc etc... And this lasts for half an hour of her freaking out and the brother is trying to console her. And the dad is being all calm. Mom is telling Brother that he shouldn't have spent so much money. 150$. Whoa there Bessie. Honestly he's in the Air Force Academy. Graduating this year. They pay him to go there. And this kid doesn't spend his money on anything. Only this year he spent some because he finally was able to drive off campus with a car. Anyways. He has lots of money. And I think it's soooo sweet that he bought something nice for his mom who clearly wanted the damn dress. So it's nice.

Later she and I are just knitting some more. And I hear Mr. Last Name saying that's way too much money. You should jot be spending that much money blah blah blah. And Brother says well I have five thousand dollars in my account and it just sits there. Etc. Then Mr. Last Name starts on son #2, my boyfriend, and says your brother sandbagged your mom twice this year. You need to catch up.

And I just want to scream ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! Seriously... This was so nice that Brother did something so sweet for his mom. Now my boyfriend doesn't have a job. Plays video games all the time. Goes to community college. Doesn't get paid for that. Doesn't have a job. (Right now I don't care that he doesn't have a job. He just needs to get good grades so we can go away to a four year college. I just want him to get accepted dammit!) And he's finally getting halfway decent grades. Considering he tried to fail high school... Both boys are in completely different places. Two years apart in school. Different levels of maturity. Different goals in life. Different lives growing up. The older listens to the dad and does things the dad wants. And the younger one, the one that's mine, does everything on his own. He doesn't listen to anyone. Barely even me. The two are different Fucking people.

I just know that when I'm a parent I want my kids to be recognized as different people. And I want to raise them as such.

Also I would like to commend my boyfriend for not taking this bullshit. Too much pressure.

Seventeen

I went lingerie shopping for my cousin today. I'm not sure why, but I can't find a picture of what I got online. But it's not specifically for a bride and I got it at Victoria's Secret. It's teal with green lace so it's funky but nice. And I gave her the gift receipt if she wanted to get something else.
Her wedding is on Saturday. And I'm in it. Wearing a floor length royal blue dress.  (-->) Silver jeweled flats. And I'm doing my own makeup. In a previous post I mentioned how much makeup is so annoying. But it turns out that my super great idea of just doing brown/copper eyeshadow will work. Luckily I have some eyeshadow that will work. I did of course buy some new lipstick. So expensive. Jeez. Twenty bucks. Whatever. I didn't really have anything. Although I might just end up using the one I already owned anyways. But I did find an orange that was warmer. Awesome. This is an idea of the makeup that I will be wearing. But this was done by a professional at Sephora and I seriously don't have that kind of skill since I rarely do my own make up.





I'm getting really hungry now so I think I'll go eat.

Sixteen

36 things I love right now:
1. Shopping online for dresses.There's this great website called modcloth that I absolutely love. They have great dresses there.
2. Reading. I just read the first three Twilight books again. I wish Twilight fans didn't go so fucking crazy with Twilight. I wish they could just let me read my girl porn in peace. And then right now I'm reading the second Game of Thrones. A Clash of Kings. It's not as easy of a read as Twilight. But I think it's less embarassing to say that I'm reading it.
3. Books. Mostly finding a new book and buying it. I'm not so good with libraries. Those books smell. So instead I get a Kindle. I love you, Amazon. And with it I can get books for free. Thank you, Internet.
4. Drinking iced chai lattes. Especially since I've been able to find a cheaper alternative than $4 at Starbucks. Before I wasn't able to find any other options
5. Whole milk. If you've grown up drinking nothing else, then it's the only thing you can drink. Fat free milk is like water. And 1 and 2% are OK. But I think even those make me sick. Also it's surprising that I'm not overweight at all. And I watch many around me drinking Diet Coke who are overweight.
6. Knitting. It's a recent thing of mine to do this. I started in the fall sometime and I've already made two scarves and now I'm onto socks. I have a great mentor. I think I even have purling down now. It gives me something nice to do at my boyfriend's house.
7. Cute drawer pulls/knobs. I bet I'll end up collecting these as I get older. It started from Anthropologie a couple years ago. And I've found some awesome things. I have these cute little ones on my closet doors. White with roses. And a white flower for my bedside table. And I have another that was too big for the same spot. And then I found some owl ones on pinterest. Awesome.
8. Roses. I can't decide if my favorites are yellow or white. White could seem depressing like funerals or romantic like weddings. And yellow are sweet and smell the best. And then there's red. Too cliche.
9. Owls. They are becoming quite popular. Which is awesome because now I can find lots of things with owls on them.
10. My soulmate. If we were both slightly more lesbian and without boyfriends. Perfect for each other.
11. My dog. He has these super adorable eyebrows that he can move. And he's huge.
12. Puppies. What's not to love? Although I've found three people who don't like puppies. Haters.
13. Pumpkin orange. The one that is in this year and the one before. Or maybe the one before that. The right clothes just aren't finding me. It's the one color I don't have in my wardrobe yet that I actually want there. And that doesn't happen often.
14. Bright colors. I have neon yellow and lime green. But I want more. It makes life so vibrant.
15. Charcoal gray. I own many things of this color. Or noncolor if that's the way you go through life. It goes so well with my skin. And everything cute happens to be in this color.
16. Underwear. It used to be all about the sexy underwear so I could feel confident. But now I don't have enough panties that I can just wear on normal days. The ones that I hope my boss sees instead of the sexy ones that I hope she never sees.
17. Tigers. My boyfriend is the tiger of my life. From "whoa there tiger" when we first started dating. I love it.
18. Dragons. Always reminding me of the tattoo that I want. It's in my head. But too bad I'm not good at drawing. I'm thinking I might just do a bad ass bear instead. My family is all about the bears. Which would make more sense than a dragon that has no place anywhere in my life except that it's so awesome.
19. Baking. I've realized about myself that my baking talents aren't that good. I've tried to make things other than what I'm good at making and they're so horrible. Peanut butter cookies and apple pie. Both of which turn out amazing every time. Especially the apple pie. The best since I was five years old and my grandpa didn't believe me I made a pie all by myself.
20. Patterns. Stripes. Polka dots. Zig zags. Plaid. I think about them all the time. I wish I could be something like an interior decorator with ideas like these. Or rather I would just like to include them in my life. So inspirational.
21. Print making. I was surprised to find there are so many different ways to make prints. My favorites are linoleum cuts and monoprinting watercolors.
22. Photography. I dabbled a bit in high school and came out with several shots I love but nothing more. I have great respect for those who do their own dark room work. It's difficult because the world doesn't stop for you. And when you find something great to photo, it just doesn't look that great as a photo.
23. Zooey Deschanel. She is probably one of the few actresses out there I love. (500) Days of Summer. One of my favorite movies. And she's in New Girl. Awesome show. And her sister in Bones. Another great show of a different kind.
24. Music. Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People. The Promise by When in Rome. Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club. Walking On A Dream by Empire of the Sun. Hermit the Frog by Marina & the Diamonds. We Are Young by Fun. Somebody I Used to Know by Gotye. Always Something There to Remind Me by Naked Eyes.
25. The smell of cloves. It reminds me of gingerbread cookies. Which reminds me of my favorite holiday Christmas Eve. My busiest day of the year when I can expect awesome things. Awesome cookies. Awesome dinner with buttery bread. Awesome gift giving and receiving. Awesome dressing up wearing heels. Awesome clam chowder for my dinner. Awesome happy people. Awesome traditions.
26. Cuddling with my boyfriend. My boyfriend. You know I think I was able to get a boyfriend because I didn't put Edward Cullen in such a high place. It's too bad they cast Cedric Diggory as Edward. I guess it could have been the director but that was a terrible role for him. Nothing like the Edward I'd pictured in my head. Thanks for ruining Twilight a bit for me. It was much nicer when I was finally able to get him out of my head.
27. Sushi. We have this place we go with the greatest roll ever. Tempura shrimp and crab on the inside. Minced garlic on the outside. Called the Nuclear Roll. It's a garlic lover's dream.
28. Garlic. I put it on everything. It makes the world taste better.
29. Barbecue sauce. Especially with chicken. I can't say exactly why I love it so much.
30. Sourdough bread. Clearly I'm from California. People don't know about this on the other coast. But am I an addict if I have this every day?
31. Dressing up for fun. Wearing heels. Dresses. Jeans. Makeup. Hair. New clothes. Feeling pretty.
32. Blue jeans. Casual love.
33. The number 10. It's my birthday. And it's fabulous.
34. French. Things. The language. It's all so romantic.
35. Doing something I don't normally do. Inspire me.
36. Ke$ha. Or Key-ha as I like to call her. Embarassingly enough I love her music. It's just so trashy and silly. Thank you for your fun music.

Fifteen

To all the women in the world. I'm amazed how much time you spend doing your makeup and your hair. Today I must have spent a half an hour doing my makeup to decide what I should wear for a wedding. I didn't even do my hair. And I can't imagine how that wouldn't just suck up all your time. To think if I did that every morning, how early I would have to wake up. Instead it can take me twenty minutes. I get dressed and eat breakfast and I leave. Twenty minutes. If an hour was tacked onto that I would not be getting so much sleep. And I get barely enough sleep as it is. I've decided it is a timesuck.

Because I don't spend that time in the morning, not to mention reapplication and removal, I'm less girly. I rarely wear makeup. I rarely do my hair. I wear it in a ponytail every day. I don't see anyone else do the same. Unless it's a sweatpants day.

I started watching this show called Awake. It's like my story. The thing that I like about it is that it's actually a thing. Something someone actually wrote and developped. Except now my story is not so original. Maybe it wasn't original even before Awake. Now I must make up something different. Or actually come up with a plot line for mine. Or I could just go back to writing poetry.

Fourteen

I'm sorry it's been so long again. But this is my week of spring break from college. I have so much time to do whatever I want.

I just saw the last few episodes of The Bachelor with Ben and Courtney. It's weird because I only started watching this show with my best friend in January during our long winter break. Well we originally started watching The Bachelorette. The season with the news guy and the pro wrestler. We were only like four episodes into that when the site we were watching it on went down with the attack on the internet and SOPA. Now I can only watch the last five episodes or whatever. I don't like Courtney. I just don't like girls like that. She was fake behind his back with the other girls. And she wouldn't let him talk. And she was so insecure and kept talking about how hard it was for her and the other girls. I don't really care though. I just don't like drama.

It's funny because I see myself saying that but only recently have been noticing how sometimes I create drama. It makes me hate myself.